To do
- Listen to understand not to answer
- Listening is a skill and we can improve it
- Listening is part of communicating
- Turn everything off
- Take notes, write down things learned
- Summarize in your own words
- Comment on your emotions
- Put a checkbox next to the things you do not agree upon and follow up with a tick mark
- Explain what you learned to other people or pretend you will have to
- Write down your objective, what do you hope to resolve
- Go as if you are going to represent someone else and report to them
- Resist the need to interrupt, ask later so you can better listen
- Interrupting is a big sign of I don’t care, let me talk
- Make sure your talking points are not tangential
- Be ready to not get all your points across depending on conversation
- It is not about winning
- “He who talks first, loses“, be the last to speak
- Follow up
- show interest
- build more trust
- shows commitment on the project
- report back
- close the loop
- Listen to what is not said
- Get familiar with terms used
- Do not focus on getting your own words in
- Do not check your phone, remove distractions, be present
- Do no hurry to the next person
- Approach the conversation without preconceived prejudice
- Care about the person
- Find areas of agreement
- Respect confidentiality
Effective listening person is perceived as someone who
- gets it
- adds value to the problem/solution
- cares about what is going on
- validates person’s position
- is an integral part of the team
- is someone who will be put in front of customers
Check list on being present
- are you prepared?
- do you believe in what you are saying?
- does your body language and tone give a different message?
- can they feel your trust?
- do you seem defensive?
- are you listening to others?
Help others listen to you
- Listen more than you talk
- Remove distractions
- Trick: tell them what you are going to tell them
- Be assertive, politely, “I do not comfortable doing that”, if a person comes back at you just repeat with the same words
- Respect your audience. Do not talk down but talk with them
- Remove jargon
- Remove cliché (overused terms like team player etc..)
- Remove offensive stuff (unless you want to offend)
- Be very careful with jokes and sarcasm
- Consider reducing your points, know what your main points are
- Propose to help with the follow up
- Position your guess so they face the wall (no distractions, for example at restaurant)
Body language
- pay attention to mannerism
- hands (excitement level)
- where are they looking? (looking to the side is perceived as someone who is looking fr ideas)
- how are their arms (but not in isolation)
- are they moving around(nervous)
- what doe YOUR body language says
Eye contact
- be purposeful with eye contact
- do not follow distractions (only look at face or eyes)
Tone of conversation
- stressed? emotional? bored? urgency?
Responding during conversation
- combine with eye contact and body language
- sum up conversation “do you mean to say”, “if I understand you correctly”, “is there anything I missed”
Taking notes
- Don’t let note taking become a distraction
- Stay engaged (or appear to be)
- announce if you are taking notes with your technology (phone, laptop etc..)
Phone call
- Write down names
- Use names (shows you care)
- Ask for clarification during call: “Let me make sure I understood correctly“
- Before the end of the call summarise out loud the main points
- Clarify expectations
- Follow up quickly by email with summarising and expectations
When you are accountable
- List due dates and define scopes of projects
- Make sure you write down and clarify every expectations of you
- Understand you main contacts
- Debrief with team or boss to understand questions that still need answers